I am a work in progress

Including yours: 33. Some of the older ones are pretty much solid submissions. I know when I get on tomorrow, I WILL answer everything that I can. SO, you can count on seeing some of them posted later tomorrow afternoon.

-Chesh

Being depressed isn’t always a dark shade of NOPE. It comes in all sorts of ways ,and leaves for all sorts of reasons. If you were to think about it another way, I’d suggest depression as a state of being, instead of an emotion. When you’re depressed, sometimes you get sad. Sometimes, suicidal. Sometimes, you feel nothing. Like you’re nothing. Nothing exists. No color. No joy. No pain. Nothing.

So, you may very well have depression. Which in itself is scary, in a way. Because you feel but not enough to do anything substantial about it. The times when it gets bad enough for you to be afraid, and you can’t seem to scrape up enough fucks to give? That, in the end, is the hardest thing to manage.

I actually have a comic for you.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

Go read that. It’s kind of what you’re facing. Your brain is kind of like HOW DOES FEELS? in a way. That’s putting it lightly and not so seriously. I suggest finding someone you can talk to about it. Even if you repeat yourself or can’t find a way to change. You may eventually come out of it. And when you do, you might need to be caught and supported until you can breathe and stand again.

Don’t be afraid to speak out because you THINK it should be this one way and it isn’t. Frankly, my PTSD is displayed so … So strangely, that my therapist has yet to give me a proper diagnosis(beyond PTSD) because it’s far from the textbook definition- Though it’s still very present and very accurate.
So. Don’t go with the stereotype. Something’s wrong. something isn’t clicking in your head. While at times it can help you cope better, it isn’t a way you should stay. Y’know? And you can’t control it.

Find someone who will listen, who you trust with your heart and your pain. Even if you feel nothing at all, talk about things you know should hurt. See if it helps.
Come back to us if you’d like to talk about anything else, and stay safe, okay?

-Chesh 

… I don’t know what the conversation was about before this ask, BUT.

If you’re still around and would like to talk about it, would you mind sending in another message to discuss it?

-Chesh

I want everyone to think about this. Whether you’re in a situation like this or not:

If you cannot seek medical treatment, whether it be for mental stability, any kind of addiction, or just anything really make sure that you have at least one person in your life that you can confide in for support.

Therapy or not, you really don’t have to do this alone. So don’t let yourself. Breathe.Yeah, it’s a long way off. But we can do it. Don’t rob yourself of the possibility that you can be okay again. you can. Even if it’s going to take a bit of work and figuring out how does life for awhile.

It’s going to be hard. Living isn’t fucking easy. You’ve got a world of variables for every problem you face, then how you feel about it an the solutions or courses of action. It’s a giant spider web with the ends burning off and you have absolutely zero fucking idea which way you’re currently facing.

If not your family, then a friend. If you’re lost, try to make sure you’re at least not lost ALONE. See, lately i’ve taken to saying “it gets better”. When that’s not true. Life will continue to be mundane and terrible at times and confusing and difficult. But you have to remember that the longer you soldier on, the stronger you will get. Even if you feel down in the mud and broken well beyond repair- Look at yourself. You are surviving. You are living, despite every single shadow in your soul. And that? Is fucking remarkable. 

You don’t have to feel strong to be. Sometimes strength is getting through it, in any condition. The act of getting through life at ALL is something you should be very proud of. One day, you’re going to get a grip on things. You are going to wake up and the sun may look the same, the clouds may be plain, your clothes may fit the way they did yesterday. But there’s this tiny little piece in your heart. Barely able to be seen. It’s hope. 
And it’s waiting for you.
I KNOW you can do it. Despite the urge to die. Life, as you know it, WILL change. Please, please be around to see it. We don’t want to do this without you, okay? It doesn’t matter if I don’t know you or don’t know you very well. I like how the world is, even bad at times, with each and every one of you in it. When you die, that changes. We, the team, all its followers and every aching heart on planet earth NEED you.

So rise up to greet the dawn. Show the sun that it can be out-shined.

-Chesh

If your mother is understanding, have her sit down with you and explain to her that it was a relapse. And all things, recovery does come with some slip ups. I’m really proud of you for being able to get this far. Now, you know you can.

Just take a step back and breathe. Accidents HAPPEN. But that’s alright. Sometimes, we need to fuck up before we can find the right pace to walk in. 

It’s healthiest, both for me to suggest and you to do, is stop. But stopping cold turkey like this may be very difficult. The main thing is DO NOT beat yourself up over this. Do NOT think you’re worth less because you relapsed.
If I’m going to talk personally : I have a tattoo. It’s Rise Against lyrics, that say “how we survive is what makes us who we are”. I got it because I had gone into recovery and I wanted to celebrate. But a few weeks went by and I fell right off into the gutter of suicidal means of living. And I haven’t entirely come out of that yet. My skin will never, ever be fixed. It will never be smooth.

If your mother is understanding, like I said, try to explain. If she’s going to lose her shit, then I’d recommend hiding them. It’s hard enough relapsing PRIVATELY. You need stability in order to find recovery again. That doesn’t include a parent going mental over your slip up. Yes, sometimes seeking treatment is wise. Is good. Because we shouldn’t do this alone if we can help it. But it has to be your choice. And I say this meaning- Even at your worst, you have to not be afraid of standing up and saying ‘maybe i need some assistance here for awhile’.

Don’t forget that I AM proud of you. Relapse, no relapse. Despite this, you are doing fantastic and I am so fucking proud.

-Chesh

asdfghjkl; Aweh, thank you, sweetie c: <3 I love seeing stuff like this. Just because I have the reassurance that I’m doing something good with my life.

Love you all <3

-Chesh